Dear Ingrid,
Sometimes it's just too hard to reconcile things. Once the light shines in your eyes, everything else gets that much darker. I wonder - how can I reconcile today with yesterday? Going to work with going to the beach? Beer with Wild Turkey? Everyone else... with you? I just can't see how I can make do with ordinary once I've had a taste of what I know is out there. Life would be so much easier if all I'd known was the usual.
And then, how do I reconcile the idea of my life with no you in it?
I'm driving with Marina, down that road - you know the one - the road we can never find the beginning of, and that comes out at that crossroads down by Rockbridge Baths. The sun is shining on the station wagon on a warm winter day, Jeff Buckley is singing Grace on the CD player, Marina has her elbow hanging out the window, and I am trying to do my best. Days like this are the only therapy I have now. I guess you can't listen to Grace and not hear that there can be good in the world. Even though you're gone. And even though he's gone. But still, you listen to that music - that voice - and you feel yourself throwing your body at life as fast and as hard as you can. That's what I need now.
I miss you.
-Adele